Notes from Nana Linda

a very calmed baby

Is there anything more frustrating and upsetting than a baby that you can’t keep from crying?  Any of you that know my youngest granddaughter know that she doesn’t usually cry. When she did start crying the other day I had to reach back in my bag of tricks to remember how to sooth her.  I was impressed again with how effective these simple techniques are when you find yourself confronted with an unhappy infant.  I hope this list helps you as it has me.

a swaddled newborn

The 5 “S’s”: How to Turn on Your Baby’s Calming Reflex

1. Swaddling: Wrapping makes your baby feel magically returned to the womb and it will keep your baby from flailing his/her arms. If not done correctly, the baby may cry even harder. Remember to swaddle snuggly. Loose blankets may be a choking risk. Also, don’t overheat your baby. (Babies should never be sweaty and flushed.)

2. Side/Stomach: Newborns are easier to calm when they’re lying on their side or stomach. This triggers the calming reflex by imitating your baby’s position in the uterus. Lying a baby on his/her back can sometimes trigger a falling reflex and make your baby feel insecure. Keep in mind the side/stomach position is great for calming crying, but babies should only sleep on their backs.

3. Shhhh: “Shhhh”ing your baby imitates the sound he/she heard in your uterus, which was as loud as a vacuum cleaner. Place your mouth two to four inches from your baby’s ear and make the “shhhh” sound. It must be loud enough to match the sound of your baby’s crying, or he/she won’t hear it.

4. Swinging: Rhythmic moving imitates the jiggling your baby felt inside the uterus and activates the calming reflex. Ways to use motion are: baby slings and carriers, dancing, infant swings, rocking, car rides, bouncy seats.

5. Sucking: Putting a pacifier, finger or breast into a baby’s mouth satisfies hunger and turns on the calming reflex.

I got this list from The Happiest Baby on the Block by Dr. Harvey Karp. For more information about Dr. Karp and his techniques for calming crying babies, go to www.thehappiestbaby.com.  Now I need to read his book on communicating with toddlers.

Chinese dragon

Chinese New Year’s  is January 23.  It will be the beginning of the year of the dragon. Here is my favorite version of how the 12 animals were chosen for the years of the zodiac.

Long ago, in China, the Jade Emperor decided there should be a way of measuring time. On his birthday he told the animals that there was to be a swimming race. The first twelve animals across the fast flowing river would be the winners and they would each have a year of the zodiac named after them.

All the animals lined up along the riverbank. The rat and the cat, who were good friends, were worried because they were poor swimmers. Being clever they asked the strong ox if he would carry them across the river.

‘Of course’ said the kind ox. ‘Just climb on my back and I will take you across.’

The rat and the cat quickly jumped up and were very excited when the ox soon took the lead in the race. They had almost reached the other bank when the rat pushed the cat into the river leaving him to struggle in the water. Then just before the ox was about to win the race the rat leapt on his head and on to the bank to finish first.

‘Well done,’ said the Jade Emperor to the proud rat. ‘The first year of the zodiac will be named after you.’

The poor ox had been tricked into second place and the second year of the zodiac was named after him.

Shortly after the exhausted tiger clawed his way to the riverbank to claim third place. Swimming across the river had been an enormous struggle for him against the strong currents. The Emperor was so delighted with his efforts that he named the third year after him.

Next to arrive was the rabbit, who hadn’t swum across at all. He hopped across on some stepping-stones and then found a floating log that carried him to the shore.

‘I shall be very happy to call the fourth year after you,’ the surprised Jade Emperor explained.

Just then a kind dragon swooped down to take fifth place.

‘Why didn’t you win the race, as you can fly as well as swim?’ the Jade Emperor asked.

‘I was held up because some people and animals needed water to drink. I needed to make some rain,’ the dragon explained. ‘Then when I was nearly here I saw a poor little rabbit on a log in the water and I blew a puff of wind so that the log would float to the river bank.’

‘Well that was very kind of you and now you are here you will have the fifth year of the zodiac named after you.’

The next thing the Jade Emperor heard was the sound of the horse’s hooves. Just as he was thinking the horse would be the next animal to arrive, a sneaky snake wriggled out from around one of the horse’s hooves. The horse was so surprised that he jumped backwards giving the snake a chance to take the sixth place in the race. The poor horse had to be satisfied with seventh place.

Not long afterwards a raft arrived carrying the goat, the monkey and the rooster. They explained to the Emperor how they had shared the raft that the rooster had found. The goat and monkey had cleared weeds and pushed the raft to the shore. The Emperor was very pleased that the animals had worked together. He said the goat would be the eighth zodiac animal, the monkey the ninth and the rooster the tenth.

The next animal to finish was the dog.

‘Why are you so late when you are one of the best swimmers?’ asked the Jade Emperor.

‘The water in the river was so clean that I had to have a bath on the way,’ explained the dog.

His reward was to have the eleventh year named after him.

Now there was one place left in the zodiac and the Emperor wondered when the last winner would come. He had nearly given up when he heard a grunt from the boar.

‘You took a long time to cross the river,’ said the Emperor to the boar.

‘I was hungry and stopped to eat,’ explained the boar. ‘After the meal I felt so tired that I fell asleep.’

‘You have still done well,’ said the Jade Emperor. ‘The last year of the zodiac will be named after you.’

As for the cat who had been pushed into the water by the rat, he finally crawled out of the water but was too late to have a year named after him. He felt very cross with the rat and since then cats have never been friends with rats.

From that day to this the Chinese Zodiac has followed this cycle of years named after these twelve animals.

Ay-yah!

In an effort to give our 4 year old granddaughter individual attention, my husband and I have decided to do projects with her on Wednesday afternoons.   This week I decided we would bake communion bread.  She is a liberated lady and an active child so when I told her to punch down the dough she did it with gusto and appropriate martial arts sound affects!  The dough never stood a chance.

After we had whipped the bread into shape she really wanted to roll it out.  I frankly thought that was beyond her but she was determined, and by golly she had the strength and focus.

See, Nana, I can do it!

There are so many simple things that children love to do that we don’t realize they are able to do.  We only need to take a lot of time and let things develop slowly with minimal expectation of a particular result.  I know that is asking a lot in our fast paced lives, but the sense of accomplishment they get by doing something real is invaluable.

Just being there–a very important parenting technique.

I got caught by the after-Christmas sales and ended up with a workbench for the grandkids that required “some assembly”.  That is, it came as collection of unconnected boards flat in a box.  My husband, delight that he is, volunteered to put it together.

We decided to make it a project for him and our 4 year old granddaughter, and this is where the magic happened.  We had her at our house for the afternoon with nothing much planned so the timing was perfect.  My husband set to work always giving her tasks that she could handle; soaping screws, holding the other end of a board, lining up holes, handing him boards that luckily were each labeled with a letter.  And in between helping she would pound with her toy hammer on boards that weren’t being used yet “getting them ready”.  They joked and they laughed and after two hours they had completed the work bench.

She had a lovely afternoon and a great sense of accomplishment.  She could hardly wait  for her young cousin to come over to use the toy that she had made.

Just being there–an important parenting technique.

two boys talking about the nativity scene at LCH

Starting next Sunday, January 8, the adult education class at LCH will explore the stages of morality in children and adults.  The course, entitled “Living the ‘Good’ Life: Levels of Morality in Children and Adults,” will be examining such qualities as fairness, justice, compassion, and empathy. Click here for a link to the materials that will be used in the class.

The class has gotten me thinking about how we support the development of morality in our children.  Children learn by seeing images, hearing stories, and following the examples of the adults around them.  We can support them by surrounding them with positive images, stories, and examples.

Christmas is a time we present the children with tales of sharing and good will.  By giving them these models again and again we encourage them to grow spiritually.  I hope the holiday season for all of us has been full of the images and stories that feed our souls and that we all will continue to grow in the New Year.

the devil surrounded by love

Last year my grandson put the devil ornament in my nativity scene in a timeout.  I blogged about it in Advent for a Six Year Old.  This year as we got out the Christmas tree ornaments he immediately grabbed the devil ornament and said that he was taller now and could put the devil higher up on the tree, further away from the baby Jesus.  Not only that but he surrounded the devil with heart shaped ornaments full of loving scenes.  He also wrapped the devil in a garland of stars.

Now I don’t know if he was tormenting the devil or if he thought he could convert him, but whichever is true it’s a imaginative way for an active young boy to interact with a nativity set.  His impulse to confront the devil and his use of love as a defense against him I find heart warming.  I wonder what he will do next year?

Let's get those fish!

My 7 year old grandson just learned how to snorkel!  He has been playing around with the snorkel in the swimming pool for about a year but the other day he burst to the surface and yelled, “I did it!”  Since then it has been hard to get him out of the water.

He also just learned to read and now it’s also hard to get his nose out of a book.

This got me to thinking about how a child’s life is full of transitions–many of them very scary.  Put your head underwater and breath through a tube.  Make sense of those squiggles so you can read yourself a story.  Both snorkeling and reading open up a world full of wonders and we, as adults, can see that it is very worth the effort.  But it is so much easier to dog paddle and to have someone else read you the story.  It is getting from one stage to the other that is difficult and scary.  One of our jobs as parents is to help our child develop their faith that they can make it and their will to see the transition through to a reward.  This means that we need to have faith in them.  Especially, we need to have the will to persistantly encourage them through their discomfort.

As part of the beginning of Sunday school each year I put up a bulletin board addressing the theme we’ve chosen for the year.  This year’s theme is Stewardship.   Once I started putting up all the ways the children of LCH participate in our church I was amazed at how involved they are.

Stewardship has three main parts: time, talent, and money.  The children use their time and talents to lead several events during the year including Children’s Sabbath, Jesse Tree, one of the Christmas Eve services, and a Seder Meal on Palm Sunday.  They also serve as acolytes every Sunday, park cars at the Punahou Carnival parking fundraiser, and contribute money towards an Ark for Heifer International.

The Sunday school offering has for several years gone to support The Heifer Project. The children have offering envelopes to help them bring in their contribution each week.  We pass the offering plate during music in Sunday school just as happens in the adult services.  They are eager to give since they know that their money is going to something understandable to them.  In Lent they will again use their talents to give a concert which will raise money for an Ark.

Stewardship is about responsibility.  By helping the children find ways to participate in the life of the church, we acknowledge them as members of our community who make worthwhile contributions.  Giving regular offerings and playing a concert to donate an Ark through Heifer help them understand that we can all do something to make the world a better place.

“Most of our problems can be solved.  Some of them will take brains, some of them will take patience, and all of them will have to be wrestled with like an alligator in a swamp.”

 When we were at the Chicago Public Library we found this earthy quote from Harold Washington, an ex-mayor of Chicago.  He was talking about governing Chicago, but wrestling alligators is also a great image for child rearing.  Both are exciting, exhausting, and unpredictable. 

There is an old saying:  “I’m so busy wrestling alligators I don’t have time to drain the swamp.”  Keeping on top of the alligators does demand attention, but it is also important to spend some time draining the swamp.  That is, when we’re raising children we have to deal with the moment while keeping an eye on the future.

 Since parents are constantly dealing with immediate problems, it is hard to find time and energy for anything else.  Still, they can’t afford to lose sight of the big picture.  Many times I’ve felt like yelling at my kids to stop yelling; but while my yelling would stop the immediate irritation, it defeats the long term lesson.  So I patiently and quietly teach them to negotiate a truce or, even harder, I let them deal with their problem themselves. 

 Sometimes parents put up with a few alligator bites to focus on draining the swamp.

Chicago Public Library

We are spending a few days in Chicago and have been walking our feet off taking architectural tours.  The city is absolutely fabulous!  One of the great buildings here is the country’s largest public library.  It’s not just its size that is impressive, it’s the thought put into it.  In the early 90s when they realized they needed a new library the city had a contest for the design.  The winner was the post-modern fantasy you see in the picture.  The roof decorations are owls and the steel beam construction is softened by a covering of brick.  It even has it’s own public transportation stop.

I judge a library by its youth and children sections.  The Chicago library has two areas for young folk.  The teenage section is called Yourmedia and enters directly off of the street.  It’s full of computer terminals and books and some study desks and some beanbag chairs and lots of teens.

The area for the younger kids on the second floor was still outside most of the security checks that seem to be so necessary these days.  It was bright and friendly and the people were kind.  It was a bit vast for my taste but well laid out. 

The Parents' Center in the Children's Library

One alcove I loved was the Parents’ Center set up for parents to read to their kids.  It also had a selection of parenting books close at hand.  On the wall there is a quote: “Children are made readers on the laps of their parents.” Emilie  Buckwald.

There are critic of this library (some find it too cold and off putting) but I feel that Chicago is trying to provide support for those who are introducing the next generation to the joys of imagination.